The One sided Narcissist Relationship

The relationship with the narc is truly one sided. They are incapable of telling the truth& lack communication skills. Unable to be concerned over anyone but self, they will only be involved as long as their needs are being met. The reasons they have such destructive trails of past relationships isn’t because every ex was ‘crazy’ but because they are incapable of being reliable, honest, faithful, loyal, trustworthy, stable, committed,and believe the world owes them. They constantly crave attention to help stroke their ego because they have a superior complex and grandiose image. If they don’t get what they want they retaliate through rage by emptying their wrath upon you, trying to silence you into submission by using fear, threats, intimidation, or abuse. No contact is the safest way to deal with a narc, if this isn’t a possibility use limited contact and set up boundaries. Stay firm in your ways and stay strong. Make yourself the priority. #narcfree

Why Does He Hate Me~ Victims Feelings After Narcissism

Why does a narcissist hate you? It’s rather easy they are jealous, unable to achieve the same success, you make them look bad, or they simply look down upon you as far less than skilled. If someone dares to give you a compliment the narc will follow up with a criticism. The goal is to trump your success by making you feel inferior and the only way to achieve this goal is to criticize, demean, demoralize, degrade, humiliate, and if these don’t work they resort to violence, control, use of power, or finances to keep you silent and submissive. Beware of the narc rage by saying this: I LOVE YOU! This will infuriate a narc to no return because their is no such thing in their book of terms. A narc is incapable of love, and can’t relate to such an emotion. A narcissist is a misogynist and equates being loved with being ‘possessed, encroached upon, shackled, transformed, reduced, exploited, weakened, engulfed, digested and excreted ’The narcissist believes they are so unique that no one can ever really know or understand them.  The narcissist genuinely believes he/she is ONE of a kind. To say to a narc “I love you”, negates the feeling of uniqueness and he/she views it as trying to drag them down to the lowest common denominator. It threatens his/her sense of being ‘special’ as anyone and everyone is capable of loving …and even the basest human being can love. To the narcissist it is a primitive, common ability. The narcissist is usually well aware that he is a con artist, a fraud, an elaborate hoax, a hollow being. Narcs think any person who loves them is either lying (after all, what is there to love in a narcissist?) – or a dependent creature, blind and stupid, unable to detect the truth. The narcissist cannot tolerate the thought that they selected a liar or an idiot for a mate, so a declaration of love is an indirect criticism of the narcissist’s own powers of judgment. The narcissist hates love- however, and wherever, it is manifested. Thus, for instance, when his spouse demonstrates her love to their children, he wishes them all a horrible death. Narcs are pathologically envious of their spouse. The narcs feels that their children are extension of themselves and seen as objects thereby the narc  wishes they never existed and is seen as emotionally distant and detached from all things family related. Being a bit paranoid, narcs also believe spouses have a connection with children on purpose as payback against the narc, as if it’s being done on purpose, to remind them how miserable they are, how deficient and deprived he or she truly is in life. The narcissist regards the relationship with their children to be a provocation, an attack on his emotional well being.  Seething envy, boiling rage and violent thoughts are the flames consuming the narcissist’s brain whenever he sees other people happy. ~ This explains so much for even my own personal story that I’m happy to provide it too all of you here~ Administration @ The Lost Self -Life After Narcissism

The Don Juan Charmer Narcissist

Narcissist are true charmers the Don Juan’s of the world. They have a honeymoon phase like no other, and will immediately gravitate towards you lavishing you with empty promises. However, what isn’t apparent right away is the need for them to fill a void within that is an empty hole that drains faster than it can be filled. Narcs need constant praise, attention, gratification , ego stroking, a sense of entitlement. Narcissist view people as objects with a purpose. They have very little meaningful relationships because of this reason. Exploitation and Manipulation are all too common.  As Dr Lynne Namka explains in her own words, “Disruption of the supply can bring about violence. Femfree.com quotes Ernest Wolf: “Narcissistic rage is a horse of a different color. Sometimes conditions occur which make a person feel totally helpless and powerless. This is an unbearable experience and results in that individual’s unlimited rage to destroy – destroy any opponent, anyone who is not for me is against me, destroy the world, etc. Unfortunately, this narcissistic rage does not disappear when the helplessness or powerlessness have disappeared. Rather, this type of rage goes on, and on and on and only very gradually sort of wears itself out.”” See Ernest Wolf at www.selfpsychology.com/papers/wolf_2001b_group_helplessness_and_rage.htm *Be aware and be observant and know that healthy relationships always involve an equal “GIVE & TAKE” ❤

The Narc Harem~Groupies

A narcissist is similar to a hoarder in that they collect people not things. They view people as objects, meant to be used, they serve as either a supply, potential supply, or they have no purpose. A narc has a laundry list of people that he/she can manipulate to get exactly what they need. The Narcissist harem is comprised of ex-girlfriends, potential girlfriends and women who wish to be his girlfriend. Coworkers, friends and family are also included on their list. Basically anyone who will boast their sense of superiority and ego by placing them on a pedestal. A narc will always keep all options open never truly closing or ending any past relationships. Often the harem or as I like to call them “groupies” will stop at nothing to get with the narc, even selling themselves short. It’s rare harem members know one another. The notes that the victims could share would come crashing down on the narc if harem members knew of each other. Secrecy is the golden rule. The cycle works by finding a new target, placing the old targets on standby feeding them crumbs until needed and then bouncing between the two if need to in order to have a full supply.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (N.P.D.)

NPD(Narcissistic personality disorder) classification is applied to the narcissist who displays a pattern of deviant or abnormal behavior which creates carnage to the victims who’ve experienced the wrath. Victims often seek counseling when they are unable to cope with their life.  Narcissistic victims (any person harmed injured or killed by a person displaying pathological narcissism which ranges  in severity on the spectrum) are often left feeling torn, confused, shamed humiliated, berated, chastised, shocked angered, hurt, and bewildered. They have a story to tell; therefore they need someone to become an active listener, and to validate what has happened to them. The validation of the person’s experience is vital. Victims are not mad, however, frequently they appear highly strung or nervous, and their levels of fear may be high, while their level of self-esteem is low. They may show signs of obsessive compulsive behaviors, phobias, panic attacks. They may experience insomnia, and may have underlying eating disorders, so you may notice they are either under weight (as a means of having some control), or overweight (as a result of eating to self-comfort). Victims suffer from Re-living (flashbacks, hallucinations, nightmares etc), Avoiding (people, places, thoughts, loss of interest etc), and Increased Arousal (excessive emotions, problems relating, difficulty in sleeping and concentration, outbursts of anger, anxiousness, panic attacks etc). You may also notice that they  “dissociate” while you are talking to them. Victims will often internalize and compartmentalize experiences.”; in so doing, they may appear to be detached from their emotions, body, or immediate surroundings, this experience is called derealization.

Narc Parenting~Living the Lie

Narc parenting is quite unique, as they do not believe in showing any type of love or affection. They rule with an iron hand -an authoritative dictatorship style and demand respect and acceptance. The narcissistic parent is very boastful of their family and children yet spends very little time with them. My narc personally never spent time with our children, never was present at their birth of all 3, not one school function, not one doctor appt. not one extracurricular event,  not one parent teacher conference, not one milestone, not one celebration (unless begging was your idea of attendance) and of course no playtime, reading time, quality time. Refusal to provide tution, child support, medical , or housing was the norm. The kids used to cry on our steps waiting for him to take them somewhere, only to be left with empty promises and broken dreams. His motto is let them fall they will learn not to do it again, or simply providing the basics is his way of showing love, no affection, no emotion, no attachment involved. Time is money, and often the children are treated as mere objects, extensions of themselves, a matter of convenience. They only will spend time with their child if they receive some reward such as attention & admiration from others in their harem (group of loyal followers/enablers) or if they wish to portray the image of being a hands on parent yet they abandon the child in front of a tv, or walk away from them the minute they are in the same room. A narcissistic parent is very critical and resentful of the child and will leave the child feeling that their feelings/emotions don’t matter, and they are their to supply and service the narc, living up to their every expectations and demands. Unfortunately, this behavior may have been cause from childhood and or trauma, that has extended into adulthood raising their own as they were raised. Most victims feel torn from relinquishing the rights of the other parent or taking them away from this type of parent, however, it’s better to come from a broken home than to live in one daily. Children need unconditional love, attention, affection, and support from a grown adult and unfortunately a narcissist not only can’t provide this, they often have difficult in just being an adult and taking on the responsibilities of raising a family because their central focus is on them not others, and because they often act like a child throwing tempter tantrums when things don’t go their way. Please think twice if staying with a narc parent as you are often doing more harm than good and the children often suffer in the end.

The Lone Wolf Narcissist and His Sexual Ways

Narcissist are the lone wolfs of the world. They despise women because they must rely on them for stroking their egos and making them fulfill their needs to feel superior. They feel love with a women is a weakness. For a narc, sex is a mechanical act as he can do it with anyone. Women are seen as objects and supplies or targets. Often with male narcs you will find drama because they are afraid of boredom. Are narcs able to be committed or monogamous? NO , they can’t believe in monogamy or commitment. Doing the same thing with the same person is crazy. Love to a narc is pure weakness and they don’t tolerate stupidity, disease or dependence of which the narc feels love is all three. Narcs are very angry individuals because of their lack of success, awe inspiring ways, and power. They do not miss love because they are incapable of love and the very essence of what constitutes the meaning of love.

A Narcs Love~ Is it the real deal?

So in the end the question always remains did he love me? Lets first look at a healthy relationship defined it means to be able to communicate, deal with issues, concerns or commitments. It means to be present, work with your partner, compromise, having their best interest in mind. It means support, having someone to protect and nurture your needs and reciprocate in kind, it means having the ability to listen and understand emotions and most importantly the ability to love. This can’t happen in a narc relationship. He dumps any issues that may arise upon you and walks away without communication. His weird behaviors/temper tantrums/rage escalates if you don’t do as your told. Manipulation becomes the tool of choice to prevent further questioning blaming you for everything that has gone wrong in his life. The narc is simply an immature child unable to grow up and be a responsible adult. Attention seekers who need their ego stroked at all times. The victims are a mere supply providing anything the narc needs including sex, attention, admiration, nurturing, and often if kids are involved they take the narcs responsibility in being the parent to the children so the narc can walk away from raising children on his own. Narcs are incapable of love as normal people classify it, they instead are into selfish greed, possession, and wants. They want unconditional love but never reciprocated to those who are providing it to them!! As soon as you express your need for affection/attention/admiration or question his motives and behaviors he will exit stage right and replace you without hesitation. You can’t always know what is going on inside the tortured mind of the narcissist. The one thing you can know is that he or she is unable to truly give you what you want, need and deserve; a whole, healthy relationship. So whether you leave or the narcissist leaves, you are better off. If you tell yourself that you loved him and he loved you to the best of his ability given what he had to work with, you can finally make peace with it all and let him go to be who and what he is a narcissist.

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Demi Lovato ~ Let It Go~

From the Movie Frozen but relevant to Narc abuse survivors

Narcissistic Abuse Survivors

As a survivor of narcissism, silence/disassociation was the only way to cope. Fast forward 13 yrs later after an 11 yr marriage to the narc, and not only did things not become better, they became much worse. Left without a home, income, support, or any means to survive while raising 3 children alone and facing mounting financial problems(bankruptcy)associated with a lengthy 4 yr divorce battle with my narc and you will just begin to hit the tip of the iceberg. I found myself questioning how it would even be possible and questioned where to even begin the process. My narc discarded our family without hesitation. Refusal to pay support, tuition, medical, or anything to deal with the family he just left behind became common place. Warrants, wage garnishments, contempt of court actions, icc violation/arrest ,arrearages, protection from abuse orders, police reports, court hearings, probation, anger management, alcohol and drug programs soon became the new norm for my narc. Through love and support of friends and family I found my way, but it was no easy task. Please don’t make the common mistake of being compliant and being provided less than what you deserve.The narc is incapable of providing what a loving healthy relationship needs in order to thrive and grow. You cannot change someone who doesn’t believe they have a problem. You will never receive that apology or that explanation you need to validate their actions and you will simply waste your precious time and energy, while putting your own life , health, and future in jeopardy. Narcs will ruin your mere existence slowly taking every last piece till their is nothing left. Do not wait till you’re totally depleted before leaving such a hostile/volatile situation. Educate yourself and become knowledgeable, focus on you, establish healthy boundaries, and maintain no contact in the future.