~The Emotionally Distant ~Family Portrait Boastful Narc~

Personally my narc would pretend to be involved by taking pics of our children yet they were simply mere objects in his presence who never received a drop of his time nor attention nor unconditional love and support. Our narc caused our family to be homeless by refusing to pay support and utilities, refused to pay kids tuition/medical coverage, and refused to allow them a home to live or a vehicle for transportation or even provide a safety net for their future. He emptied all their college funds for all three children, mortgaged all the property, and sold off every asset.
It amazes me how a narc will use images to proclaim their connection with others. Mine used old family portraits especially those of higher status quo (military members)to classify himself as a normal proud boasting family member in reality he was an absent, emotional distant, withdrawn abusive man (which I use man loosely).
How could someone pretend to have a connection with people that he didn’t care about, that he couldn’t care if any family member lived or died? Recalling how he stated emphatically how no one did anything for him, yet I can state emphatically his mother gave everything she had to the narc (her only child). She gave her home, her pension (after her death) , her assets, her savings/checking, her material possessions and so too did every woman before her to the point of exhaustion. I recall vividly asking him to help shovel snow from her sidewalk yet he refused claiming she brought her ailment of lung cancer upon her because she smoked and was told by doctors to stop, so in her last dying days he refused to help her nor comfort her, and so she died without her son’s love ~ a hole in her heart~ I would suppose.
I cannot imagine the cruelty and heartlessness narcs have for their own flesh and blood. Placing a picture of a distant relative, parent, child(ren) or spouse doesn’t mean anything if A) you’re not in the picture with them and B) you have no connection to the subject matter in the picture. You can not simply place a photo of someone else and pretend to have involvement and make a connection when none exist.Upon his mothers passing he places a simple obituary remembrance in the paper yet where was he during her years of life was he truly there for anyone , did he truly give of himself to protect, love, nurture, provide, and assist his own family….truly sad.~

Narc Parenting~Living the Lie

Narc parenting is quite unique, as they do not believe in showing any type of love or affection. They rule with an iron hand -an authoritative dictatorship style and demand respect and acceptance. The narcissistic parent is very boastful of their family and children yet spends very little time with them. My narc personally never spent time with our children, never was present at their birth of all 3, not one school function, not one doctor appt. not one extracurricular event,  not one parent teacher conference, not one milestone, not one celebration (unless begging was your idea of attendance) and of course no playtime, reading time, quality time. Refusal to provide tution, child support, medical , or housing was the norm. The kids used to cry on our steps waiting for him to take them somewhere, only to be left with empty promises and broken dreams. His motto is let them fall they will learn not to do it again, or simply providing the basics is his way of showing love, no affection, no emotion, no attachment involved. Time is money, and often the children are treated as mere objects, extensions of themselves, a matter of convenience. They only will spend time with their child if they receive some reward such as attention & admiration from others in their harem (group of loyal followers/enablers) or if they wish to portray the image of being a hands on parent yet they abandon the child in front of a tv, or walk away from them the minute they are in the same room. A narcissistic parent is very critical and resentful of the child and will leave the child feeling that their feelings/emotions don’t matter, and they are their to supply and service the narc, living up to their every expectations and demands. Unfortunately, this behavior may have been cause from childhood and or trauma, that has extended into adulthood raising their own as they were raised. Most victims feel torn from relinquishing the rights of the other parent or taking them away from this type of parent, however, it’s better to come from a broken home than to live in one daily. Children need unconditional love, attention, affection, and support from a grown adult and unfortunately a narcissist not only can’t provide this, they often have difficult in just being an adult and taking on the responsibilities of raising a family because their central focus is on them not others, and because they often act like a child throwing tempter tantrums when things don’t go their way. Please think twice if staying with a narc parent as you are often doing more harm than good and the children often suffer in the end.

Narcissistic Children

Narcissist unfortunately treat children as objects. Children are an extension of the narc and are often manipulated and treated poorly. Kids deserve to have unconditional love, support, nurturing, and undivided attention. They are not a matter of convenience or pawns used to convince others you are an involved parent. Parenting involves more than just showing up and taking occasional photos. Xo

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The Narcissistic Family

The narcissistic family hides profound pain. The narcissistic family operates according to an unspoken set of rules. Children learn to live with those rules, but they never stop being confused and pained by them, for these rules block children’s emotional access to their parents. They are basically invisible – not heard, seen or nurtured. Tragically, conversely, this set of rules allows the parents to have no boundaries with the children and to use and abuse them as they see fit. Narcs have an image to maintain to the outside world behind closed doors is when the masks falls and the Jekyll and Hyde personality appears. Narcissists are abusive, emotionally distant, non supportive, having a history of family secrets, unable to show love; communication; affection; or encouragement. In 13 yrs my ex narc never held our children, never encouraged them, never protective, never provided beyond just the basics. Parenting to him was simply the basics and nothing else. Co-Parenting was non existent, their was no love, no affection, no emotion, no connection as married couple raising family together, no discussion and communication was impossible and obsolete. No involvement or playtime with the children with years of empty promises.

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I Was a Horrible Wife

You cannot please a narc, lord knows I tried for 11 yrs of marriage. You are fooling yourself and will only deplete yourself in every way if you attempt to change a narc. They are only in a relationship for their own personal gain as selfish as this seems, and no matter what you do it will not change

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Co-Parenting With A Narcissist

Narcs view children as objects, they don’t know how to be responsible and share parental responsibilities. I remember my narc would hide during every special event, holiday, or school function. Suddenly in that moment he would become busy,and work was of course top priority over our marriage and family. You will spend more time undoing the narc damage from your children then trying to effectively co-parent. Unconditional love is non existent. You must do as told, feel as the narc feels, and follow the basic commands of the narc. Whether your narc was the mother or the father of your children is irrelevant as the abuse is the same. They will say one thing and do another, empty promises, and broken hearts with a trail of destruction being left behind. My narc only remembers the children exists during his every other weekend visits when he changes his social media cover photo to include them in it, beyond that their is no involvement. Keep your expectations low when dealing with narcissists.

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Dealing With Narcissistic Family Members

How do you deal with narcissists at a social outing?  You may have to put distance between you and your narcissistic family member. Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D. says in “Protect Yourself from the Narcissist’s Venom,” that you should “Be clear about your own boundaries and do not allow yourself to be overrun by the narcissist. Try avoiding the narc , do not let their actions upset you, do not provide them enforcement, never resort to name calling and walk away if you must to maintain the peace.

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Narcissistic Parent

Have you ever wondered about narcissistic parenting and the effects on your child(ren)? Narcissistic parents have no genuine concern or love for their children (empathy). Narcissists are not accountable. They blame others, project their feelings, and are not able to tune in. They feel if they simply provide the basics (food/clothing/shelter) that this counts as parenting. They are never present for their children, always busy in their own hectic world to take a minute of their time. I recall my narc would always find work or create work to avoid parental responsibility. Using money as a tool to buy their love, rather than be present for them. If I tried to get his involvement for simple things such as reading a book to them at night, he’d pick a book he liked not suited for their age or reading level, and then read to them (not allowing them freedom to read) a few pages and promptly end by walking away. Affection was not shown rather he’d try to buy their love through gifts (presents rather than presence). Preaching on how to be a good parent didn’t matter much, because he provided the basics. No school functions, no assistance with homework, no help in parenting/social skills nor discipline if needed, no child support till garnished, and refusal to pay tuition and medical coverage for our family. I remember times growing up when he would pit one against the other, or how he wouldn’t care if they got hurt in his presence, because he felt they’d learn by getting physically hurt. I recall when my son was first born with medical problems spending two months in nicu fighting for his life, and his remark was simply to “pull the plug” if I couldn’t deal with it and in those two months never came to see us in the hospital. Making himself absent or unavailable became his modus operandi rather than his presence for family activities and functions. *”The greatest gift you can give your children is to listen to what they have to say about their childhood and be there to heal and recover with them. Remember that clothes to wear, food to eat, a roof over the head… is not parenting. That can be found in an orphanage. Real parenting is about finding out who your kid really is. The only way to do that is to guide, teach, nurture and listen to what is going on inside that person, and then to be there for them.” I preached this all the time, that you cannot get back the time you didn’t spend with your children, and rather than worry about quantity focus on quality of time, because that’s truly what the children will remember.”

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Narcs Head The Household

Many know the tyranny of one parent who dominates the household, subjugating the other parent and one or more children to their needs. This type of narcissistic parent demands a “trophy spouse” and “trophy children” to enhance his or her esteem and inflate their social standing in the world. Narcissists playing the “grandiose” role promote themselves as powerful figures, demanding gratitude and adulation from their child. Just so long as the child is not too successful, incurring jealousy and recrimination. No narcissist wants to be upstaged or outgrown so they suppress signs of independence, any behavior beyond their command. Invasions of privacy, boundary violations, and direct attacks on others are the norm. The author also describes the grandiosely “depleted” narcissistic parent who, rather than sustaining an unrealistic sense of superior, is the “best at being bitterly wounded.” The deflated narcissist rules over the family making others pity them as a helpless victim, organizing the family around themselves  through their neglect and through passive aggressive acts (the withholding of food, hygienic care, emotional warmth). Another family power set-up consists of two narcissistic parents taking turns as the tyrant or creating a doubled-tiered family life, dividing up it up and each ruling one part. This, for example, more likely occurs with merged or “blended” families, those combining two households Key to a narcissist character is self-absorption so intense that narcissists are unable to empathize with others. They are so immersed in self-need that they cannot consider their child’s viewpoint. The child, and sometimes the spouse, is a nobody. Nonexistent. Childism” is the word the writer gives to the distorted belief that a child exists to serve his or her parent’s needs. Such children are, at an early age, put at the service of their parent’s ego. This is similar to how a sexist treats in-house women, as an object or property, as extensions of the self. Personally my narc ignored our children as he never played, never loved, never cared if they became ill or hurt, never concerned about helping them with school work and in the end because of his failure to pay utilities we were left homeless, of course then refusing to pay for our children whether payment was for tuition costs, medical, or support to raise our family. My narc cared so much about our children’s future that he emptied out their entire college fund for all three children nearly twelve thousand dollars. Narcissists will shudder at the duty of being a responsible parent and will always depend on the supply to provide for them which often includes raising their children to adulthood.