Narcissistic Parent

Narcissistic Parent

Have you ever wondered about narcissistic parenting and the effects on your child(ren)? Narcissistic parents have no genuine concern or love for their children (empathy). Narcissists are not accountable. They blame others, project their feelings, and are not able to tune in. They feel if they simply provide the basics (food/clothing/shelter) that this counts as parenting. They are never present for their children, always busy in their own hectic world to take a minute of their time. I recall my narc would always find work or create work to avoid parental responsibility. Using money as a tool to buy their love, rather than be present for them. If I tried to get his involvement for simple things such as reading a book to them at night, he’d pick a book he liked not suited for their age or reading level, and then read to them (not allowing them freedom to read) a few pages and promptly end by walking away. Affection was not shown rather he’d try to buy their love through gifts (presents rather than presence). Preaching on how to be a good parent didn’t matter much, because he provided the basics. No school functions, no assistance with homework, no help in parenting/social skills nor discipline if needed, no child support till garnished, and refusal to pay tuition and medical coverage for our family. I remember times growing up when he would pit one against the other, or how he wouldn’t care if they got hurt in his presence, because he felt they’d learn by getting physically hurt. I recall when my son was first born with medical problems spending two months in nicu fighting for his life, and his remark was simply to “pull the plug” if I couldn’t deal with it and in those two months never came to see us in the hospital. Making himself absent or unavailable became his modus operandi rather than his presence for family activities and functions. *”The greatest gift you can give your children is to listen to what they have to say about their childhood and be there to heal and recover with them. Remember that clothes to wear, food to eat, a roof over the head… is not parenting. That can be found in an orphanage. Real parenting is about finding out who your kid really is. The only way to do that is to guide, teach, nurture and listen to what is going on inside that person, and then to be there for them.” I preached this all the time, that you cannot get back the time you didn’t spend with your children, and rather than worry about quantity focus on quality of time, because that’s truly what the children will remember.”
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