Characteristics of the victim of narcissists
Have you ever felt nothing you do is good enough, have you had to walk on eggshells feeling anxious, making up excuses for the narcs behavior, or finding yourself feeling empty, depressed, or just not quite yourself? These are just some signs of the aftermath of being with a narc. Others may not even know that this is happening to you because often targets feel blame, embarrassment, or simply explain away the narcs true behavior to friends and family. Narcs enjoy limiting your communication with others, narcs are experts at accusing you of actions they themselves are doing and in time you find yourself requesting validation, acknowledgement, or permission to simply have a life outside of the narcs constant need for attention and support. My own personal experience was in feeling like I was a prisoner in my own home, as my narc would monitor my every behavior. My narc made more false accusations than I could ever dreamt possible, and would constantly have you walking on eggshells. He enjoyed leaving notes explaining what needed to be done when he was away from home, and expressing his angered feelings on occasions without ever having open dialogue or communication. Always spoke to me in the third person especially when writing a love poem (or his best version of trying to fake it) and never being in the same room at once was quite the norm. When our marriage ended, I learned he would get new targets by stating he was divorced in his mind, or that our marriage has been over for quite some time yet he was telling me he showed his love by simply coming home to me and our kids each weekend, and how he’d never divorce because it meant he failed and that he doesn’t fail at anything. He often told others that his needs weren’t met, even though I worked to exhaustion to supply those needs. Not many friends or family knew we were married because he classified me as his kept woman and business partner after an 11 yr marriage never his wife, lover, or friend. He had very few “friends” in his eyes, and even more enemies. Always projecting the world was against him, and always requiring you do more yet never appreciating your efforts or reciprocating in kind. As time went on I found myself hiding the truth about our relationship because his actions were so bizarre and crazy that I knew no one would believe them. I have since learned that he is now doing the same to the new supply. I learned that she too is being abused and that she denies these actions to her friends yet her friends know the truth. She denies cooking/cleaning/tending to his every need because she knows that she’s only their as a source of supply to do the things he needs done and nothing more. It’s so sad to see the destruction narcs can cause, but I’m grateful to be out of this abusive, hostile environment, and I’m enjoying my new found freedom.