When Narcissist Heads The Household
Many know the tyranny of one parent who dominates the household, subjugating the other parent and one or more children to their needs. This type of narcissistic parent demands a “trophy spouse” and “trophy children” to enhance his or her esteem and inflate their social standing in the world. Narcissists playing the “grandiose” role promote themselves as powerful figures, demanding gratitude and adulation from their child. Just so long as the child is not too successful, incurring jealousy and recrimination. No narcissist wants to be upstaged or outgrown so they suppress signs of independence, any behavior beyond their command. Invasions of privacy, boundary violations, and direct attacks on others are the norm. The author also describes the grandiosely “depleted” narcissistic parent who, rather than sustaining an unrealistic sense of superior, is the “best at being bitterly wounded.” The deflated narcissist rules over the family making others pity them as a helpless victim, organizing the family around themselves through their neglect and through passive aggressive acts (the withholding of food, hygienic care, emotional warmth). Another family power set-up consists of two narcissistic parents taking turns as the tyrant or creating a doubled-tiered family life, dividing up it up and each ruling one part. This, for example, more likely occurs with merged or “blended” families, those combining two households Key to a narcissist character is self-absorption so intense that narcissists are unable to empathize with others. They are so immersed in self-need that they cannot consider their child’s viewpoint. The child, and sometimes the spouse, is a nobody. Nonexistent. Childism” is the word the writer gives to the distorted belief that a child exists to serve his or her parent’s needs. Such children are, at an early age, put at the service of their parent’s ego. This is similar to how a sexist treats in-house women, as an object or property, as extensions of the self. Personally my narc ignored our children as he never played, never loved, never cared if they became ill or hurt, never concerned about helping them with school work and in the end because of his failure to pay utilities we were left homeless, of course then refusing to pay for our children whether payment was for tuition costs, medical, or support to raise our family. My narc cared so much about our children’s future that he emptied out their entire college fund for all three children nearly twelve thousand dollars. Narcissists will shudder at the duty of being a responsible parent and will always depend on the supply to provide for them which often includes raising their children to adulthood.